Considering the Christmas Story

The other day I was wondering if the Christmas story of Jesus birth ever gets old to others. It's the same story year after year, and all churches are faced with trying to draw in visitors with a unique message to hear the real meaning of Christmas, again. Many people know the story and even display nativity sets in their homes. But many might not believe the story is true, so deep down it really has no meaning to them at Christmas time.

While sharing these thoughts, a friend of mine reminded me that maybe the message is not only for those who have not heard the story before but also for those who do not believe it's true meaning. And maybe she was right. Maybe it does "get old" for some, but I think there is something in the story that intrigues people each year. It may intrigue people enough to bring them in the doors of a church on Christmas eve.  Or think  more about the song lyrics to "Silent Night."

More than any other time of the year, maybe Christmas is a season to really spread the story of Jesus' life, beecause Christmas is a time when "many unbelievers pause to consider Christ (Mary Fairchild)."

It is the time of year when people are more vulnerable, emotional, and open to considering the message of Jesus birth. People tend to open their hearts more around this time of year. They soften and consider opening a door to the possibility of this truth.

For me, the story of Jesus birth is never "gets old." It's a reminder of why he came to this earth and what he did for us. His birth is a reminder of who God is - loving, forgiving, and willing to sacrifice His son in atonement for our sins - even before we ever asked for forgiveness of all the things we have done wrong.

The nativity sets have more meaning to me as I have grown older. The holiday songs that sing of Christ's birth have significance.

My husband and I were jokingly arguing over which Christmas songs are "classics." I said Hanson and Amy Grant. He says holiday songs that Nat King Cole sings. But these below are truly classics to me. Songs that sing of a savior that was born into a human body so he could die for me and I could join him in heaven one day.

Joy to the world, the Lord is come! Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare Him room, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven and nature sing, And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing. - Joy to the World

What Child is this who, laid to rest, On Mary's lap is sleeping? Whom angels greet with anthems sweet, While shepherds watch are keeping?

This, this is Christ the King, Whom shepherds guard and angels sing; Haste, haste, to bring Him laud, The Babe, the Son of Mary.

Why lies He in such mean estate, Where ox and ass are feeding? Good Christians, fear, for sinners here, The silent Word is pleading.

Nails, spear shall pierce Him through, The cross be borne for me, for you. Hail, hail the Word made flesh, The Babe, the Son of Mary. - What Child is This? 

If you are considering the Christmas story of Jesus' birth this year, know this: It might seem like an impossible and ridiculous story of a virgin giving birth to the savior of the world. But, why wouldn't you want to be true? Maybe the idea that someone exists who wants to save you and forgive you of all the things that make you feel guilty about your life makes you squirm. Maybe the idea of accepting forgiveness when you cannot even forgive yourself is just too much to handle. It's too overwhelming. I believe it's true. I believe this is the best story to believe of them all. It gives me hope, joy and peace beyond understanding. 

Happy Holidays

Healthy All-Natural Green Bean Casserole

Healthy All-Natural Green Bean Casserole (except for the fried topping ;))

Isaac and I were so proud of ourselves this past week when we made a healthy rendition of the infamous Thanksgiving green bean casserole. We said "No" to canned green beans and "No" to cream of mushroom soup! However, I could not resist the yummy crunchy fried onion topping!

To make this wonderfully delicious healthy casserole, we followed and combined the ingredients and directions of these two recipes:

http://teaspooncomm.com/teaspoonofspice/2012/11/healthy-green-bean-casserole-the-recipe-redux/

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/green-bean-casserole-recipe/index.html

In an overview, here is our version:

Ingredients:

3 pounds green beans, trimmed (I literally grabbed a bunch at Sprouts and it was plenty)

1 tablespoon + 2 teaspoons extra virgin olive oil

1 tablespoon butter

1/2 of an onion chopped

1/4 teaspoon salt

Fresh ground pepper

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

2 packages (8 oz) cremini mushrooms, sliced

2 tablespoons whole wheat flour

2 tablespoons all purpose flour

2 cups 2 percent lactose free milk

Frenches Fried Onion topping

You can substitute any ingredients for organic ingredients and that would make it even better!

What we did:

Trim the ends of green beans and washed them. Boil the green beans for about 15 minutes. 

Sautee onions and mushrooms in pan with oil and butter for about 8 minutes or so. Stir in salt, pepper and thyme.

In another pan, we added milk and some more butter constantly stirring while slowly adding all the flour. Stir, stir and stir. 

Then we added the milky mixture in with the veggies and stir some more.

Add green beans and stir! 

To make it more creamy add more flour or milk till it looks yummy. 

Pour mushy green bean yumminess into your favorite casserole dish, and (this is the best part) pour the fried crunchies on top! 

We had some bread crumbs in our pantry so I put some of those on top too to add more crunch to it. ;)

Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. 

Enjoy!

When we took our casserole to the Bohanan Thanksgiving, it was gone within 10 minutes, and boy was it good! We were impressed with our own cooking skills. haha. 

And for those of you who are lactose intolerant like me, we also used lactose free milk for the mashed potatoes. Those turned out yummy as well!

Hope you all try this casserole dish at home! 

Committing to Him When the Pain Keeps Coming

This week, I was reading the bible and pondering on the verse that says, "Commit your way to the Lord" Ps. 37:5. To truly commit my way to the Lord is to give it to Him and leave it with Him. Usually, I lay it before Him and then walk away with it again accomplishing nothing.

How do I commit something like a health condition to the Lord that physically does not really go away. I wake up with it each morning and fall asleep with it. So, how do I truly give it to God and let go?

I have been so thankful lately that God is blessing me with a season these past few months of a "break" from my Crohn's disease symptoms. I spend a normal amount of time in the restroom like everyone else (once a day :)). I have more energy lately, and I am able to eat more in my diet. Also, I am almost done weaning off of Pentasa.

Although my typical crohn's symptoms are under control, this does not mean that my whole body is healthy like a normal person's either. I must not forget that I still have an autoimmune disease that can affect every aspect of my body.

Unfortunately while my stomach symptoms are getting better, my joint pain is getting worse and my GI doctor believes I developed a form of arthritis, which very common with Crohn's patients.

My joint pain started in the spring right after I weaned off of Endocort, a type of steroid. My doctor believes the steroid was keeping my arthritis from starting in my body. I cannot go back on the Edocort as a long term solution, because steroids are not good for the body long term.

So, my doctor is trying very hard to get me in to see a rheumatologist so I can get a correct diagnoses and form a treatment plan that is best for me.

In the mean time, tomorrow I will be getting my first steroid injection into my left thumb joint. This joint hurts the worst, and I have lost some range of motion. I'm nervous about the shot, because the idea of a shot going into a joint and not fat gives me the chills! eek.

I joke around a lot with my friends saying that with my health condition it seems to just be "one thing after another!" There are days I do not want to commit my health, my worries, my fears, my anger and my frustrations to the Lord. I want to control it and just deal with it. Or ignore it. Pretend it's not there.

But the God blesses persistence. God asks us to have faith in Him, because "He can do immeasurably more than ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us (Eph. 3:21)."

He can only bless us if we allow Him to work within us. We must allow Him to take control. We must give Him the reigns each morning and maybe multiple times through the day.

Lord,

I am so thankful that you are giving me healing and relief from my stomach problems I have struggled with for so long. I know that your hands are on me and giving me physical relief.

I want to leave before you right now my fears that are rising over my arthritis pain. How will this affect my future? Can I handle this and Crohn's disease too? I know I can't, that is why I need you. I'm so young. I want a future that allows me range of motion and flexibility and no pain to take care of my future babies. With my pain in my thumb, I want to be able to pick up my baby, fold laundry and do dishes.

These are my fears that are swirling around in my head. Take them. Please. Give me strength tomorrow and all the days to continue to commit myself to you - not just my medical concerns but all aspects of my life, my marriage, my future, my family and my job.

Amen

Did the Flu Shot Give Me the Flu?

My husband and I both have contracted what we believe is the flu. No, we have no visited a doctor, but it's pretty easy to detect the flu - fever, runny and stuffy nose, congestion, dry cough, headache and body aches. We both started feeling sick on the same day too.

So, who caught it from who?

About 3 weeks ago, I received my annual flu shot like the good girl that I am. Isaac did not. Isaac has never gotten a flu shot and says he never gets the flu - until now. Looking back on my childhood, I always got the flu at least once a year. Although, I don't seem to get the flu as much not that I am in my twenties.

This article has been trending Facebook telling readers 11 reasons you should not get the flu shot. Our sickness and this article created dialogue between my husband and I that got me thinking. Did the flu shot give me the flu, thus giving the flu to Isaac? Should I continue getting a flu shot?

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (The CDC) provides this FAQ page about the flu shot. What I got from this is that the flu shot is altered every season by scientists making an estimated prediction as to what types of flu will be most "popular" in communities. The flu shot does not protect against all types of colds and flu viruses, only those that are predicted to be most common. So, yes you can get sick and have other flu-like viruses even after getting the flu shot.

The CDC says that those who are most vulnerable are those with lowered immune systems, babies and the elderly. However, they suggest that everyone receive the seasonal flu shot.

I have a lowered immune system due to the immunosuppressant injection (Cimzia) I take bi-monthly for my Crohn's disease. uh oh.

The Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA) supports the CDC by encouraging all inflammatory bowel disease patients, especially those who are taking immunosuppressant drugs, to get a flu shot. The CCFA's website also says that the flu shot will protect individuals from common strains of flu viruses - only the most common ones.

Like the trending Facebook article talks about, it is true that the flu shot puts a little bit of the virus in your body to help your body become immune to the common spreading virus. However according to www.cdc.gov:

No, a flu shot cannot cause flu illness. Flu vaccines that are administered with a needle are currently made in two ways: the vaccine is made either with a) flu vaccine viruses that have been 'inactivated' and are therefore not infectious, or b) with no flu vaccine viruses at all (which is the case for recombinant influenza vaccine). The most common side effects from the influenza shot are soreness, redness, tenderness or swelling where the shot was given. Low-grade fever, headache and muscle aches also may occur.

The most interesting fact I found on the CDC's webpage was their blunt confession that "unfortunately the flu vaccine does not always provide adequate protection against the flu. This is more likely to occur among people with weakened immune systems or people age 65 and older."

So basically, the flu shot is not something to bank on nor, in my opinion, is it a complete waste of time. I believe it is better than nothing, but no it doesn't always work. And it does not keep you safe from all flu viruses across the board. 

Truly, the best ways to stay safe from viruses in general is to:

Wash your hands regularly

Stay away from other sick people. Maybe walk around with a mask on from November till May...jk, but seriously. 

Take vitamins that help build a strong immune system

Do what you can to built up your immune system. Our bodies are intricately complex and designed to fight internal battles. But we must supply the tools and nutrients it needs for those battles.

What do you think? I'd love to hear other's view on getting the flu shot - especially those with chronic illnesses.

The Model Home Seduction

In the one year that we have been homeowners, I have fallen prey to the seduction of model home. From the day our offer was accepted on our home, my head started making plans. Plans that included many dollar signs.

First, I made plans to fill all the blank walls. And there are so many blank walls to fill. Then I made plans to purchase decorations for every major holiday. I did not realize how many holidays there are till I wanted to decorate for them. More plans followed with desires for new and additional furniture to fill our home (inside and outside), new floors, kitchen counter tops and of course backsplash. When spring came, more plans began to develop in my mind for landscaping. And the list just goes on. I wanted all this and a vacation! 

There are things you need as a homeowner, like a mower, blinds for privacy, a refrigerator and a washer and dryer. Many of my plans did not include necessities but wants that sure felt like needs. 

The lure of the model home I believe is a struggle for many women. If my home is beautiful, put- together, clean and decorated like a Pottery Barn catalog, people will think that my life is just as great. If my home meets certain perfection requirements, then people will see that my life is calm, cool and collected as well. Friends and family will never know that we live off of a budget. Guests will never know what we can't afford. 

Such dirty little lies. 

I'm slaughtering these lies with the truth that we do live on a budget. We can't afford all my plans right now. And that is okay. 

To obsess over and strive for the perfect model home will create a less than perfect life.  

Spending money constantly on unnecessary material things will affect finances, which in turn will  cause anxiety and strain on a marriage. Maybe just little arguments here and there, but it can grow. And this is not the kind of growth I want in my household. 

When my focus is centered around creating a false appearance and pleasing house guests, my heart is not focused on loving my husband and just enjoying our time together as newlyweds. My mind is not focused on spending time with the Lord and finding fulfillment from Him in His Word. 

My husband has consistently reminded me we have to pace ourselves when making adjustments to our home. When it comes to finances, the necessary items must come first (like when we had to purchase four new tires for my car last week). The things we want must be budgeted, saved for and spaced out (like wood floors).

To be smart with money is to be smart with marriage. 

Healthy Fall Slow-Cooker Chicken Stew

This week, my husband and I made the perfect healthy, fall, crockpot chicken stew with a side of baked french bread. We even ate it at the table with a pumpkin as the center piece just to envelop us in the season of fall.

Click this link to find the recipe and try it yourself. Healthy Fall Slow-Cooker Chicken Stew

This recipe is perfect for someone with tummy troubles like inflammatory bowel disease. Very low fat. Instead of regular bacon for flavor, I used turkey bacon. All the veggies were soft as baby food and easy to digest. And the meat was extra lean. Pair your hot bowl of stew with some french bread, and you have a calm, satisfied tummy.

Two years ago when I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease, I was not smooth in the kitchen. Actually, my version of cooking was whipping up some Kraft mac-n-cheese. ha. When I realized that I could help my Crohn's symptoms and my health by drastically adjusting my diet and learning to cook Crohn's- friendly foods, I jumped right in.

However, learning to change my diet and learning to cook has been a process. It is a process I have had to be patient with. At times, my meals just plain stink. They don't turn out how I envisioned or how the photo looked online. And sometimes, I succeed - like this week with my chicken stew. Learning how to cook for my stomach is a long process of trial and error. I don't usually like trial and error, because I am impatient and want good food now. But that's not reality.

I may never be a master chef in the kitchen, but I do know that with some patience and an open-mind, anyone can learn to cook delicious, healthy meals that keep the stomach happy. :)

I'll Buy You Rogaine When You Start Losing All Your Hair

In Ingrid Michaelson's song "The Way I Am," she sings about growing old with your spouse. When she sings the line "I'll buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair," most envision an older woman buying her balding husband Rogaine. So sweet huh? 

Last week, my sweet, young husband bought ME, his young wife, Rogaine for my hair! Never would have thought this day would come...and so soon. 

Last month, I wrote about experiencing hair loss and speculating that my Crohn's drugs were the reason. However, I decided to go see a dermatologist a few weeks ago about my increasing hair loss, and she revealed some interesting findings. 

I have been losing handfuls (way too many) of hair in the shower and when I brush or run my fingers through my hair. My husband also had noticed that my hairline seemed to be receding. On the sides, my hairline appeared to be balding. Ugh! I could feel a significant different in the thickness of my ponytail as well. Very depressing and very worrisome for a young woman like myself. 

Sidenote: Don't ever tell a women that hair loss is no big deal or that she still looks beautiful. It IS a big deal - especially to a woman.

I have been taking hair vitamins (Biotin) and started using Nioxin shampoo, which helps hair grow back. I didn't seem to notice much of an improvement yet. 

When I saw the dermatologist, she looked over my medications and ask how my health has been these last few months. When I told her about my horrid Steven Johnson reaction three months ago that led to a 3-week-long fever, she said, "that's it!." 

When the body goes through a high-stress event, like a high fever for many weeks, the scalp can shed quite a bit of hair for the three to six months following the stressful event. Other physical stressors that cause this can be pregnancy/giving birth, switching medications, birth control, pneumonia or other health illnesses. For more information visit, http://www.webmd.com/beauty/hair-health-11/hair-stress-effect?page=1

So, it all makes sense now. I had a strong allergic reaction to a drug three months ago which led to a high-fever for nearly three weeks which ultimately led to intense hair loss for these last three months. This is hopeful for me! The doctor told me that within three to six months, my hair should stop falling out so much, and within six months to a year, it should all grow back. 

She also encouraged me to continue taking my hair vitamins and to try using Rogaine near my hairline in the balding spots. Good news is my co-worker noticed that I have many baby hairs growing back in my hairline! 

It's crazy how that one antibiotic I took back in July (Sulfameth) can have such an affect. And honestly, I'm a lucky one. It really could have been so much worse. Steven Johnson syndrome can kill people and cause so much more damage that just a fever and temporary hair loss. I'm very grateful and blessed. 

The Great Crohn's Pain

The Great Crohn's Pain. It comes when you least expect it. It creeps in during the night suddenly wrapping around the sufferer's midsection and lower back. The Crohn's Pain leaves behind an achey abdomen for days. The Crohn's Pain is one of my most hated symptoms.

I woke up in in the middle of the night Saturday night to this achey, burning pain that wrapped around my midsection like a band. This is just part of having Crohn's disease. All I could do was curl up in a ball in bed and patiently wait for it to subside and fall asleep again. I spent more time in the restroom this weekend, and I've just been achey ever since.

Isaac and I spend the weekend in Tulsa, OK at a cozy bed and breakfast. I'm not sure if these symptom flares are due to food I was eating, the homemade cookies that the B&B offered us each day or just because, well, I do have a chronic illness. When I look back on the weekend, I did not eat bad. I actually always eat pretty good. Sometimes, however, it could be the smallest thing that might set me off....like a sauce on a sandwich.

But, I do not think it was necessarily all diet related. I think I just had a small flare. Plain and simple. Cannot control that. Now, I will purposefully eat very bland for the next week just to keep my insides calmer. Small set backs are normal. I will get back on track to feeling better, I just know it. And honestly, this really wasn't as bad as I have have it in the past. Thank God.

These are the times when I love pulling out my trusty heating pad. Love that thing.

Now, Isaac, Izzy and I are sprawled out on our new sectional sofa watching The Hobbit with my new candle, "Leaves," from Bath and Body Works is burning. Mmmm. the smell of fall is filling our cozy home on this rainy day. These are the kind of days I live for. I love having relaxing days before I go back to work. I'll wake up in the morning ready to face the work week.

Happy Monday everyone!

Feeling Good for Fall!

It is officially Fall, and this is the first Fall season that I have not had a flare since diagnoses, which was just over two years ago. It feels amazing. I am feeling good, and I am loving it. "Good" to me is also learning to live with my new normal, which does include fatigue, some achey joints and hair loss. But those things are livable. An adjustment, but very do-able. As long as I only visit the restroom a few times a day for short periods of time, I'm happy.

Recently, Isaac and I visited San Francisco for a week vacation. It was a lot of fun and very busy. It was not the type of relaxing beach vacation, but the kind of sight-seeing trip that you need a vacation to recover from the original vacation. We really enjoyed it, and it was good for us as a couple to travel in that way. It is challenging to "go,go,go" all day long while trying to figure out where you are even going. There is something about navigating a strange, crowded city together that can bring you closer.

Did we argue or get snippy at times? Yes, of course. Traveling can be stressful and tiring. Don't be a fool to believe that vacations are always smooth sailing for a traveling couple. :) Every person travels in a different ways. Some plan, and some are spontaneous. Some start packing a week before, and some pack the night before right before bedtime (my husband :)).

We both realized that we did not enjoy large touristy masses of people. It seemed to stress us out and irritated us both. We preferred the less crowded areas of town like Ocean Beach, Napa wine country, Muir Woods, driving in a rental car across Golden Gate Bridge and not on the public bus, and Golden Gate Park. But you can't go to San Fran and not see the tourism sites! I loved seeing the Painted Ladies, THE Full House house, Lombard Street (one of the most crooked streets in the world), and of course, Alcatraz.

Shortly before we left for our trip, I had an infected abscess. Thankfully, I was able to get the infection under control with the correct antibiotic and thoroughly enjoyed my trip. I was very worried about that getting in the way.

Many have asked me how I eat when I am on vacation, especially when we are on-the-go like we were in SF. Since I was not flaring, I was able to easily find something to eat most places. I am able to handle more foods and not be as picky when I am not flaring either. I always stay away from rich lactose foods, large amounts of highly greasy foods, and fatty meat, like ground beef, steak or bacon. Last year when we drove to Winter Park, CO, I had to be more careful. It was difficult finding meals that would sit well in my stomach when we were on the road for 10 hours during the day. We had to stop and use Urban Spoon to search for sandwich places that were off the highway sometimes.

I hope everyone is enjoy their Fall season! Our leaves have not started changing colors yet, but I can tell they are about to. We need to mow our grass one more time, then I believe we will be done till next year. Very exciting! This weekend, we are going to pick some pumpkins and purchase mums for the front porch. I love doing family, home activities :)

Medication and Hair Loss

I've been taking prescription medication on a daily basis for two years now. In the beginning, I noticed my hair falling out in the shower, but then after a few months it got better. This past April, I tried weening off of Pentasa, and after a few months of being on a lower dosage, my stomach symptoms weren't doing so well. In June, my doctor decided to put me back on the full dosage of Pentasa. It was then that my hair started coming out by the handful in the shower.

Over the past few months, my hair has gradually become thinner. Thankfully, I have always had thick hair, so my head can handle it - for now.

A few weeks ago, Isaac and I took a vacation to San Francisco. (We had so much fun!) When we were at the Painted Ladies homes, Isaac pointed our that the sides of my hairline looked to be receding a bit. He asked if it had always looked like that. You wouldn't notice it unless I had my hair pulled back in a pony tail. This got me worried.

I noticed that, yes, my hair did look to be receding on the sides fairly noticeably. Now, I'm not sure if this is solely medication or something else. I read online that this can happen from not brushing your hair on a regular basis (which embarrassingly I don't do, because I curl hair). It can also happen especially on the side where you part your hair ( I do notice it more on that side of my head).

My hair stylist suggested that I try this product called Nioxin for thinning hair. I did my research, and it seems to produce good results pretty quickly. I read that it works best if you use the shampoo, conditioner and scalp therapy serum all together. I paid 33 dollars for the package of all three products at Ulta, which seem like a good deal to me.

So, we will see how it works! I am hopeful as I have been taking a hair, skin and nails vitamin as well.

Although my stomach/Crohn's symptoms have been doing pretty well lately, these types of symptoms for a 26 year old are very difficult to endure as well. I would like to try to ween off Pentasa again before the end of the year. I am determined to be on as little prescription drugs as possible.

I chose the Nioxin system kit #6, which is for medium to coarse chemically treated hair that is noticeably thinning to you. I hope this gives me my thick, full hair back soon and makes it stop coming out in the shower!

You Can't Manipulate God

"You can't manipulate God. Don't ever think it. You can't pray in hopes of getting what you want. It's God's will that prevails."

~Mark of the Lion series Book II, Francine Rivers

This quote from a novel I am reading stuck with me this evening.

When people pray, most pray for what they want God to do for them. Honestly, why wouldn't we? We are taught to pray this way from an early age. We pray for things that will make us happy. More money, good looks, a lover, good health, success, etc.

And then we thank God for those things that make us happy.

I believe the purpose of life to not do what makes me happy but to please the Lord and follow His will. However, I never thought of praying for my will as manipulation - or even wrong.

The online dictionary definition of manipulation is "to adapt or change to suit one's purpose or advantage."

What this quote says is that by requesting God in the form of a holy prayer what we want in order to benefit ourselves and fulfill our own desires is a form of manipulation. It is wrong. God's will is always best. He knows what he is doing and has a purpose for every living thing. He is omnipotent. He is ruler of all.

So to dare to pray for our will and not the all-knowing, all-powerful, forgiving and gracious Prince of Peace's will be done, we are fools.

We may not understand why God allows for things to happen in life that may not make us happy or may be very difficult. Sometimes we do not see the bigger picture. Why do some make more money when I do not? Why is that woman blessed with all "the right" curves on her body and not me? Why did my home get hit by a tornado and my neighbors did not? 

Why did God allow me to get Crohn's disease? Why do I have to deal with health issues as such a young age? 

Why? I do not know. All I know and have to trust in is that for now I have Crohn's disease, because it is God's will. He is and will continue to use this disease that comes from a sinful world for good. If he can use my pain to bring others to Him, then please bring on the pain.

What's funny to me is that when Satan intends to hurt us, bring us down or weaken us, God can always use the bad and turn it around for good. You may not see it at first, but He will if you let Him.

My new prayer is:

God, I allow you to work in my life whatever way you choose. If you need to use Crohn's disease or some other ailment in my life to bless others, then please do so. I pray that you will give me the strength to be used by you and to wake up each morning praising you for what you are doing in my life - whether is makes me feel happy or not. I also ask that you will help me to recognize when I am praying for what I want solely for my own benefit. Your will be done, not mine.

Amen

I am Free Indeed

Tomorrow is Monday. Dun, dun, dun... :) I am so happy to be all ready for the week and sitting in bed right now at 8:30 pm. Sundays are my days to grocery shop, pick up the house a bit, pack my lunch and just mentally prepare myself for the upcoming work week. I like to feel relaxed and ready to go. 

My last post I wrote about my battle with Steven Johnson syndrome. Sadly, it did not end that night I posted the blog. I also battled with a a nasty persistent fever for several days as well due to the syndrome. This past week, I was able to better function, but the fever still slightly comes and goes. To make it through work I pop in ibuprofen, and that helps. I like to stay on top of my work and emails. 

Also, this past week my abscess became infected again. Currently, I am on a safer antibiotic called Amox-Clav that hopefully will help the infection. Unfortunately, it has given me a yeast infection. (of course it did ;)) I am thankful though, because I would much rather have a yeast infection than Steven Johnson Syndrome reaction again. 

Isaac and I did a very adult-married couple thing this weekend. We spent many hours at Mathis Brothers (the Wal-Mart of furniture in Oklahoma City) and bought a new couch! Furniture is so exciting! The couch we picked out is actually a sectional, which is what Isaac has been wanting for a long time. It will create more seating and give our living room such a homey feel. We had to special order the pieces though, so it will not be in for at least 8-12 weeks! 

Sadly, my favorite thing to do in the evenings during the work week is to lay on my couch and relax. I am very excited to lay on this new comfy couch that we will both have room to spread out on. :) 

Speaking of lay on the couch - Last night after we went to dinner with another young couple, we called it a night around 9 pm (haha, obviously we are old and married). Isaac and I both excitedly put our "comfy pants" on and took our places on the couch. 

While he began to play his favorite video game, I searched for a movie to watch. I found "Lovelace," a movie about Linda Lovelace. Since I did not grow up in the 1970's or 80's, I did not know much about Lovelace. I won't go into detail, but Lovelace grew to stardom from her short pornography film career in the 1970's. Later in the 80's, she claimed that she had been forced into the career, raped, beat by her husband and held at gun point many times. The controversy in her story is that some believed her, some did not. 

For some reason, this story intrigued me and saddened me. I'm not sure what I believe. After watching the movie, starring Amanda Seyfried, and researching her story online, I do believe she was scared, confused, and just did not stand up for herself. She didn't believe she could get out and felt stuck. That is always a lie. 

I have never been in a situation like hers. But I do know what it is like to feel paralyzed with fear. I do know what it is like to feel stuck living life a certain way or believing a lie about myself. That is satan trying to control me. My life's prayer is to recognize when I allow him to do this to me. I'm not sure if Linda Lovelace ever became a Christian, but I do know that with God's help, there is always a way out. We are never stuck. Through Jesus, I have freedom, and I do not live in bondage to anything. 

I'm the Lucky One - My Struggle with Steven Johnson Syndrome

In my last post, I wrote about my perianal abscess. I had been given an antibiotic, Sulfameth, to help with my infected abscess. About a week later, I started getting real sick. I was having an adverse reaction to my antibiotic, which was called Steven Johnson Syndrome (SJS).

SJS is a rare, life-threatening condition that is brought on by a severe reaction to a medication. The family of drugs that caused my reaction are sulfa dugs. Basically, what can happen to the body is the human skins starts literally burning from the inside out, and it can spread rapidly. It causes flu-like symptoms, and a reddish, purple rash that can spread all over your body including the eyes and mouth. If it spreads to the eyes, patients can go blind. Many patients are admitted and treated in the burn unit in the ICU due to the outer layer of skin falling off.

Thankfully (and I am so so thankful), we caught mine early and mine did not progress as far as it could have. I feel by God's grace my life and future were spared. For the first time in my life, I do not feel like a victim of an illness but so blessed and protected from what could have been. 

On Monday (day 6 of taking the antibiotic), I woke up with an intense headache that continued all day long. I began just not feeling well that day. The next morning, I woke up around 5 am feeling very nauseated, and by 6 am I was vomiting bile and blood. A couple hours later, I noticed large purple and reddish welts all over my face. It looked like blood splattered and stained on my skin. At that point, I knew something was wrong. 

My husband took me to an emergency doctor's appointment with my primary care physician. By that point, my lips and tongue were swollen and numb feeling. She diagnosed me with SJS. This was the first time I had heard of this syndrome. She told me to tell everyone I know and carry in my wallet that I have a deathly reaction to the family of sulfa drugs. 

From my research, I have learned that most people take the full course of the antibiotic and do not start showing symptoms till days later. At that point it is irreversible and too late. This is why I feel lucky. I was able to catch it early, stop taking the drug and have time to flush it out of my system this week. 

Good news is that within 48 hours the rash was nearly gone. I thought I was doing better till a fever of 101.6 struck me thursday evening and continued off and on till tonight (Friday) when it finally broke I think for good. Isaac said a fever is good, because that means my body is fighting the rest of the infection. Having a fever with no other illness like the flu is strange...but still just as miserable. 

I'm sitting in my bed typing this feeling much better, but still very weak and tired. I hope I am on the mend. All I can think is thank you Jesus for saving me. 

I cried one day thinking about what I was spared from. I have been through a lot with my health problems, but this really made me realize how much worse it could be. And I feel so blessed for the life I have. 

All thanks goes to Jesus my loving Father. I do not know why he spares some and not others. But I do know he has a purpose for all of us. And I know he never turns His back on those who love Him. 

Crohns is a Pain in the Abscess

This week, my Gastrointestinal doctor discovered an infected perianal abscess. I scheduled the appointment due to some groin pain I was experiencing. I know abscesses are common for patients who have Crohn's disease due to lowered immune systems. Therefore, this information did not come as a surprise. 

"An anal abscess is a painful condition in which a collection of pus develops near the anus. Most anal abscesses are a result of infection from small anal glands.

The most common type of abscess is a perianal abscess. This often appears as a painful boil-like swelling near the anus. It may be red in color and warm to the touch. Anal abscesses located in deeper tissue are less common and may be less visible (www.webmd.com)."

My GI decided to send me to a general surgeon that day to try and have it drained. 

I visited with the general surgeon. He gave me two options. He could numb the area and drain it in the office. He would have to leave the wound open and pack it with gauze so it would heal from the inside out for a month or so. That sounded awful. 

Or he said he could send me home with antibiotics and see if it would drain on its own. Once the infection heals and is less inflamed, I can come back in September to have the surrounding tissue removed and stitch it back up. This is the route my husband and I chose. 

For the next few days, I was in quite a bit of pain. After calling my primary care physician for advise, he told me to put a heating pad on the area so that is might drain. Heat causes the puss to rise and drain. This advise helped and the pain decreased significantly. I can sit and actually function better now.

"Abscesses are caused by obstruction of oil (sebaceous) glands or sweat glands, inflammation of hair follicles, or  minor breaks and punctures of the skin. Germs get under the skin or into these glands, which causes an inflammatory response as your body's defenses try to kill these germs (www.webmd.com)."

Abscesses  can appear anywhere on your body, but they are most common in the groin area, armpits, on your face and near your teeth. People with lowered immune systems are most susceptible. 

I hope this is helpful for those of you who may discover a strange sore lump. Don't ignore it, go see a doctor. It must be taken care of. 

Apologies for My Summer Obsession

Hey everyone!

I apologize for my blogger silence for a little bit. I have to admit to you all.....I have recently been somewhat obsessed with watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix. In less than a month, I am almost done with season 3. Honestly, I would never let me own teenage daughter (if I had one) watch this show. But I can't stop watching it. So much drama, so many dirty secrets and a murder mystery. What's not to love?

haha I am watching it now as I write this blog. So silly.

A couple weeks ago, I went to see my GI doctor for a check up. I was looking forward to this visit. Since March, I had been trying to wean off of Pentasa, an anti-inflammatory I have been on since my diagnoses, and my body was not responding well to the weaning process. I was so determined to get off that drug that I just kept trying to wean for 3 months even though it was causing me to flare and get sick. This drug is a horsepill that I have to take 8 times a day (!) and is my most expensive drug I pay for out of pocket.

Of course since I was flaring I since the start of the wean and I started having joint pain around that time too, we decided it was best for me to go back on the drug for good. My doctor said that my body must need Cimzia and Pentasa to keep my feeling good.

That proved to be correct when after a few days of being back on the drug, my stomach started feeling better almost immediately. Since then my stomach has been doing much better and the joint pain seems to be doing a little better. My left thumb joint still hurts though.

The only negative side effect from start back up with Pentasa is I have noticed my hair falling out when I take a shower. I remember this happening when I first started taking the drug, but it subsided after a few months. I started taking a hair, skin and nails vitamin a few days ago....I hope it stops soon. It's annoying and scary putting handfuls of hair in the trashcan.

Overall, I'm feeling better, and I really feel like this drug combination is that combo for me. At least I hope!

This weekend, I had a plethora of energy somehow. Usually I'm so tired...it's nice to have some energy. I mowed the front and back yard, bathed Izzy, did a few loads of laundry, vacumed and dusted the whole house, cleaned the kitchen and hung curtains while using a DeWalt for the first time! Such a productive weekend.  :)

We made it! Our First Wedding Anniversary.

My next GI appointment is on June 24. I am anxious about it, because I have a couples things to talk about with my doctor since the last time I saw her in March. I have been having joint pain for the past couple of months, so much that I have to wear a brace at time on my left hand and wrist. Also, since the start of weening off of Pentasa in April, it seems my stomach symptoms are not really improving. I seem to be bleeding a lot when I use the restroom. Even if I just sit on the toilet to pee, I lose blood. I have strong painful bouts of diarrhea every 7-10 days-ish. It seems to come on so suddenly. I'm unsure if this is because I'm weening off the pentasa or what. Maybe my body just needs the Cimzia and the Pentasa. Things seem pretty steady though lately. Not remission, but not terrible. I must take it one day at a time.

Me and Isaac's one year wedding anniversary is on Saturday, June 15. We made it. I think to make it through the first year of marriage is a big achievement. So many people give up so easily. The longer we have to get to know each other, I feel that we will get better at being married. I still have so much to learn about my husband and how to be the best wife I can be. Marriage is teaching me the best ways to be unselfish and how to put another human life before my own. It definitely is like a mirror of my flaws. I see things about myself that I need to work on or face that I might never see if it weren't for Isaac in my life.

 It feels so joyous to be doing life events with my best friend. We get to own a house together and make it our home. We get to be loving parents to our dog. me, Isaac and Izzy... we are a family. I love my new little family that has formed this past year.

Often time, I pray to God about my marriage. The most important thing I ask Him for is to have many, many long years with my husband. Time is essential. Time gives more memories, more chances to forgive and love, and more opportunities to get to know each other better and in deeper ways.  This one year has flown by, and I know the next several will fly by even faster. I pray that we use all the time we have with each other so wisely, and to never waste the time the Lord gives us. I pray that I will never hold back and learn to love this man incessantly and unconditionally. I hope I learn to see him through Jesus' eyes more and more each day - with forgiveness, empathy, compassion, patience and kindness.

The two words I have heard Jesus whisper to me so many times this year when I might be annoyed with his socks on the floor or if we just got in an argument are "love him." He reminds me that I made a vow to love this man in better or worse. I will love him no matter what and never give up. I made a promise to love him even when it is hard, not just when I am happy with him. He is my best friend, my #1 supporter, my partner, and my one and only man. :)

Isaac is one of the only people in my life that reminds me to have faith that God can heal my Crohn's disease. He asked me, "Why wouldn't he?" He helps remind me that Jesus is the ultimate healer and doctor.  I pray that the Lord continues to speak through us to each other. And I pray that we always keep God in our marriage, because through him we find healing, forgiveness, redemption, love and strength.

Happy Anniversary Babe! Can't wait to love you more.

Fiber: Friend or Foe?

Over the past couple of years, I have learned that fiber plays a big role in your diet, health and tummy. For someone with Crohn’s disease, fiber can be a harsh enemy to the stomach at times.

Experts say that we need at least 30 grams of fiber a day on average. Fiber is in fruits, vegetables, whole grains and legumes (mostly beans, alfalfa, peas, clover and peanuts). Fiber forces your intestines to work harder causing your bowel movements to move faster through your system. This is a good thing if you are constipated or to just keep regular bowel movements. However when you have Crohn’s disease, bowels do not need to be moving faster during a flare. Periods of flares or times when symptoms are not under control, bowels are moving too much with frequent diarrhea, ulcers and inflammation in the intestines, blood in stool and a low grade fever.  During these times, I want my bowels to slow wayyyy down!

Eating a low fiber diet will help slow bowel movements down while decreasing bloating, cramping and extreme gas. I first tried this and altered my diet a couple of months after I was diagnosed. I was amazed at how much changing my diet helped me feel better after meals. Of course this does not heal or take away the Crohn’s, but it helps my symptoms.

It has been important for me to learn to not stick to this low to no fiber diet all the time. My doctor’s and nutritionist remind me to slowly incorporate more fiber back into my diet during times when I am feeling better. Fiber is good for me when I am feeling better. It’s a constant back and forth of listening to my body and learning when to say “no” to certain foods. Despite the fact that fiber is harsh on my intestines, it works to clean out my colon to reduce risk of colon cancer. Fiber helps transport cholesterol out of our bodies, reducing the risk for heart disease. Fiber also helps keep people slim, because you feel full sooner, it stays in your stomach longer and we do not eat as much.

It’s funny how something with no nutritional value can have such an impact on our bodies – both good and bad.

There are two types of fiber, which can help determine what fiber is best or not best to eat - depending on your tummy is doing. Soluble and insoluble fiber. Soluble dissolves better and is a little easier to digest. Insoluble is resists digestion and does not digest well at all. This is the kind you want to stay away from during times of inflammation or diarrhea.

Here are some examples of each:

Soluble: beans, peas, oatmeal, nuts, seeds, apples, strawberries, pears and blueberries.

Insoluble: whole grains, brown rice, bran, carrots, cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes, grapes, dark leafy and green veggies

When my symptoms are not under control, I usually steam or boil my veggies till they are mushy. This way I can still get nutrition from the foods while they are able to go through my stomach easier.

I also am able to eat peaches, apples and baked potatoes without the skin. I eat apple sauce, smoothies, bananas (I eat these all the time! They are my number one “safe food.”) and white breads, like white English muffins for breakfast, white sandwich bread, ciabatta bread, french bread/rolls and sourdough bread.  

When I am feeling good, I am able to eat very green salads. Never any form of iceberg lettuce. That does not digest well and tears up my insides! Hate that stuff. Last month, I forgot to take the iceberg lettuce off of my turkey burger I ordered at a restaurant, and man oh man did I hurt.

I really hope this is helpful! This information can help anyone with tummy issues. And let’s face it, whether you have Crohn’s or not, we all have tummy issues! J

 Below are some articles that provide more information:

http://www.caloriesperhour.com/tutorial_fiber.php

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/patientinstructions/000200.htm

www.m.webmd.com/food-recipes/features/fiber-how-much-do-you-need?page=2

Primary Care Physician Problems

Recently, I found out that my primary care physician will not be accepting my health insurance as of July 2013. This is really difficult news for me, because I have had a hard time finding someone covered under my insurance who I like, who spends enough time with me when I do not feel well and who can manage my health well without being rushed. Doctor's are very busy these days, and it is difficult to find one who is thorough and does not rush through each patient. I am not a "5-minute" patient.

After I got over the initial shock of the letter I received in the mail, I have just been thinking about it. No need to rush into finding someone new. I still have time. I know God will take care of me and find me someone who can help manage my health well. I am just going to be praying about this. If you have any suggestions for me of anyone in the Edmond/OKC area, please let me know.

After switching GI doctors a year ago, I really have grown to like my GI doctor and her nurse. They know me by name, always call me back promptly and spend an adequate amount of time with me with I come in for my appointments. She is very thorough and always seems positive that I will reach remission someday soon and that there will be a cure in my lifetime. I like that about her. She is good about managing my drugs and getting me what I need. This is what I need in a PCP as well.

My last appointment with my GI went well. I have officially been off of Endocort (a low dosage steroid that I have been on since diagnosis) for nearly a month now. That feel so nice to be rid of a drug! I am now in the slow process of weening off of Pentasa, an anti inflammatory drug that I have been on since diagnosis. She says hopefully my body will only need Cimzia, but we will see how I do while weening off Pentasa. I have seen a small increase in symptoms since the start of my ween. If symptoms continue or get worse, I will stop the weening.

Managing drugs and symptoms is still such a new and overwhelming thing for me. I hope I get better at it as time goes by. Or better yet, I hope I just get better in general! I hope as I continue to feel better that my energy increases. I'm 26 years old, I really would like more energy to be able to enjoy more activities in a day.

The Impact of Sharing My Story

Well, I am 7 days away from my first Crohn's and Colitis Fundraiser on May 4 here in OKC. I'm pretty excited about it. By choosing to participate in this process, I have already met more people than I imagined who have Crohn's disease like me. Not only have I met people who I can relate to, my team has also raised more than 1,500 dollars! That went over our my initial goal! I am so thankful for all the generosity and support that has come my way.

I was blessed with an opportunity at work that helped spread awareness and raised funds for my team. Chesapeake came to me and asked if they could put my personal story out on it's employee home page. At first, I was overwhelmed with the idea of sharing my story with all thousands of employees who work for Chesapeake across the United States. I had no idea what kind of response I would get. But I decided to do it. I thought if I want to meet more people like me, raise awareness and understanding of my illness, then I must take this opportunity. And I am so glad that I did!

The week the story was posted, I received so many emails, prayers and donations! I have made some friends and increased my confidence in sharing my story. It is important to be heard, speak up and to educate. It is important for me and it is important for those who do not know. I learned that my voice and my story made a difference. It touched others. People who suffer from any type of illness shouldn't have to suffer alone. We need support. We need each other.

~

This last week was not a great one for me. I did not feel great. Spent quite a bit of time in the bathroom with more loss of blood than I like and spent a lot of time curled up on the couch or my bed. My headaches has increased as well. I believe I not only am getting migraine headaches, but also something called cluster headaches. My joints in my hands have been really achy. Some of my fingers are so sore I cannot pick up a bowl with one hand. I have a doctor's appointment next week. I am feeling better this weekend so far, and I sure hope this next week I feel good!

Please be praying for me!

If you would like to donate to the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation please follow the link below.

http://online.ccfa.org/site/TR/SpecialEvents/Chapter-NorthTexas?px=2773189&pg=personal&fr_id=3890

Love: A Noun or a Verb?

Love.

The word brings to mind hearts, pink, flowers, marriage, sex, kissing, passion, movies, ballads...feelings. I immediately think of feelings I have felt when I feel love. I think of how media has defined the meaning of love from birth. Is that all true? I think to an extent.

When I look up the definition of love in the dictionary it says, "a noun: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person; a feeling of warm personal affection for another person; sexual passion or desire."

As a verb it says in the dictionary, "to have love or affection for; to have profoundly tender, passionate affection for,; to have a strong liking for; to need or require; to have sexual intercourse with."

Really? The very sounds almost exactly like the noun. Sounds like a whole bunch of feelings. I'm kind of shocked that is all the dictionary said. Feelings come and go. Anger, annoyance, grumpiness, happiness, passion...they all just come and go.

I am a christian. There is no hiding that. The bible's definition of love is probably something everyone has heard recited either in the movies, at church or most commonly, in a wedding. This definition is so overlooked. We know the words. Some of us know it by heart. But rarely do we live this definition of love. So often do we forget how to love. We rely on feeling it instead of doing it. We base our relationships off of feelings.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor other, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (I Cor. 13:4-8)

These are verbs. These are actions. This is an action template for how to love. How to make it work through better and worse. Through good feelings and bad feelings.

This definition is real. I have been reading these words since I was a little girl. They still look very difficult to accomplish. This definition of love looks hard. It looks scary a bit scary honestly, because I am a sinner. I fail all the time at this type of love. I'm the most impatient person I know. I'm not always kind. It's really hard to not keep a record of wrongs. And I know I can be a selfish woman.

But God says this kind of love never fails. This is the kind of love I want in my life and in my family history.

I choose to pick my sinful self up each day and choose to love this way. I choose to fight for love as an action. I choose to rely on true love.

These are words we should write on our hearts. Put at the forefront of our minds. Last year on my wedding day, I vowed to spend my life striving to live this kind of love. Making a vow to someone is even more of a reason to make love my actions.

Love as an action is no easy task, but it is one that lasts and never fails.

Pets Improve Your Health

I grew up with no pets in my family, except a couple of fish that died pretty quickly and a bunny I found in the yard that died in my hands the next morning-I think I scared it and it died! Izzy is my first pet to own and truly take care of. And I truly believe she is a gift from God for Isaac and I. My little morkie love reduces our stress levels when we are around her, keeps us company, make us laugh and cuddles with me when I don't feel good. She has actually been a good heating pad for my back or stomach when my intestines are raging too.

Isaac and I bought her last March in the midst of planning our wedding, we had no idea how much fun and smiles she would bring to our life. Her presence is such a comfort to me when I am not feeling well or need company when Isaac is at work. I have seen a whole new side of my husband that I have fallen in love with. He sings her songs, and he is so sweet and loving with her.

I started doing some research on pets and their affect on people's health. The articles below states that pets are natural stress reducers for humans, help lower cholesterol and blood pressure, and help fight off depression. I believe it!

Owning her has helped me learn more responsibility that I had not learned before as well. At first, I thought that taking her potty and feeding her would be a hassle to my life and schedule. But when you love something or someone so much, you enjoy having the responsibility to take care of their little life. I would think that it is a similar feeling when you have a baby. But I could be wrong.

Please take a look at the articles I found below about how pets can improve your health by helping you live a longer and happier life!

Pets Improve Your Health

Pets Improve Your Health

Below is Izzy!

Food, Fatigue and Fortitude

Tonight I went out to dinner at Flat Tire Burger in Edmond, OK with a couple of girl friends. I checked their menu before we went so I could make sure there would be food options for me to order since I do not eat ground beef regular hamburgers. Thankfully, they had turkey burgers and chicken sandwiches. I ordered a turkey burger and had a few sweet potato fries. Something went wrong. Pretty quickly after the last bite of my burger went down, I starting getting this intense sharp pain in my side. My stomach hurt the rest of the night. I took Bentyl, which is a drug that helps when I have really bad stomach pain. It did help.

I'm still not completely sure what it was. I'm thinking it was the iceberg lettuce on my burger. I typically stay away from that kind of lettuce, because I had read it does not digest well. Well, I guess that is true for me. Definitely no more iceberg lettuce.

Often times, people will say to me, "If you just eat right, you'll be fine right?" or "If your not feeling well, you just need to eat better." Food does not control Crohn's disease, it just helps manage it for me. I have been doing better the last few months, and I definitely believe it is a combination of finding the right drug (Cimzia) and sticking to a healthy diet and staying away from my "trigger foods."

Finding out what my trigger foods exactly are has been tricky, and trial and error. Some for me include iceberg lettuce, lactose, queso, food with a lot of oil or grease, raw vegetables, spicy food, and when I'm really sick I keep my diet low in fiber. Diets high in fiber make my symptoms worse when I am in a flare. But when I am doing better, I will introduce more fiber back into my diet, like eating an apple with the skin and eating a sandwich with wheat bread. I am not afraid to speak up and say no to a restaurant if I do not feel comfortable with my menu options.

I feel like that is important for anyone who needs to stick to a new diet. Be confident and do not be afraid to speak up to say "no" to certain food or restaurants. Put your health first. I would rather be able to go out to eat with friends enjoying my meal and not worried if I will be sick later. But of course, I cannot control everything, like tonight with the iceberg lettuce incident. Now, I know better :)

Food does not 100 percent control or manage inflammation for me.  I have read articles on Crohn's patients who claim to be healed from a special diet. And that is wonderful if that diet worked for them. But the plan I am on right now with my doctor seems to be helping lately, and I do not want to try anything different. I like feeling better. :)

Lately, it seems fatigue is my main enemy. Fatigue is a common symptom with chronic inflammation. When my body is constantly fighting inflammation, it is tiring. I get tired easily, require a lot of sleep and rest or downtime, and seem to get nauseating headaches often.

Isaac and I went out to Bricktown last weekend to watch his cousin's band play on Saturday night. By 11 pm, we were ready to go home and get in bed. Isaac was tired, because he had worked all day. But why was I? I slept in till 10:30 am. I'm glad we got out and did something. I try and make myself do things sometimes even when I don't feel like it. It's good for my spirit to get out and have some fun.  I definitely make sure I listen to my body when it is telling me "please let me rest." That means saying "no" to social events sometimes and just giving myself plenty of downtime to relax.

I hope anyone with a chronic illness or a health condition learns how to balance diet, social life and rest time for their body. Learning when to say "no" and when to say "yes" to help live a balanced life are pertinent. Never feel guilty for saying "no" to events or feel like you might inconvenience someone by requesting specific food items. These are the lessons of determination and boldness I have had to learn in order to take care of myself in the best way.

The Silent Sufferers

Crohn's disease is often called "The Silent Sufferers" disease. This is because it affects parts of the body that are embarrassing and uncomfortable to talk about. Body parts that are on the inside and unseen by others. It is difficult for others to see and understand the pain, the ulcers lining the intestines and the inflammation that causes sometimes debilitating stomach cramps, nausea, diarrhea, loss of blood in stool, extraintestinal manifestations (other organ systems that are affected by Crohn's) and so on. I would also say that Crohn's is a disability that feels invisible. People often like to see to believe.

I have heard others who have autoimmune diseases say that it would be easier to get empathy for their daily struggle if their arm was cut off, because that disability is more visible and understandable for the public.

Although I am thankfully able to hold a full-time job, be happily married, travel, and live a normal life, I still struggle. It it just not as visible as if my arm were cut off. (please note that I am not saying that I would rather my arm be cut off, it is just a good analogy).

All Crohn's sufferers and anyone who has a chronic illness asks for is empathy and understanding. And if you don't understand, acknowledge that. You simply don't understand. I would rather hear that you don't understand than "just suck it up," "you're being a wimp," "just eat the right foods," "why aren't your medications working?" If you don't know what to say, my suggestion would be, "i'm sorry, that must be tough."

This week was a rough one for me. Ever since I was diagnosed with Crohn's, I have also been suffering with migraine headaches. I'm not sure if they are related or not, but wouldn't be surprised. They could be related to drugs I'm taking. Who knows. Or maybe it's age. In my last blog post, I mentioned this migraine headache issue. I decided to go see my primary care physician last Tuesday about my head that is aching so much, weekly and nearly daily.

Here is what I am trying right now:

In January, I switched birth control brands from Microgestin to Junel, so I decicded to go back to Microgestin since that is when my headaches started to get worse.

I also decided to try some sinus clearing methods to make sure it is not allergy/sinus related headaches.

My doctor also gave my prescription for Topamax, a migraine prevention drug, to try. I tried it for 4 days, and could not stand the drug. I absolutely hated the side effects. I could not funtion. I felt buzzed and drunk, couldn't concentrate, and my body felt tingly and numb. Ick!

Another extrainstestinal issue I am dealing with as a result of my Crohn's is mild rosacea on my face. Metronidazole has not seemed to be working, Eucerin bedtime redness relief doesn't seem to do much, I need a new moisturizer that heals my redness and dryness. I get tired of spending money on products.

Right now, I am trying some samples of face cream called Natura Bisse, which is really expensive, and next I am going to try some samples I have of Bobbi Brown face cream, which around $50 I believe. the Natura Bisse stuff just in two days has made my skin more calm. It doesn't seem as dry, red and seems more smooth.

Does anyone know of any other skin care line that might have this same affect, but less than $100??

Friday, I was feeling my worst. Topamax was at its worst in my body. For some reason my intestines decided to flare that day and I was not feeling well, and my skin just did not feel pretty. I cried in my car at lunch. I know everyone has these kind of days where everything just comes to together all at once. Life can get overwhelming sometimes - regardless of if you are dealing with an illness or not.

Road to Remission

Lately, I have been feeling really well! I feel like I am slowly on the road to remission. My bowels are fairly normal for the most part. I am able to eat most foods without bad symptoms. Also, I am in a slow process of weening off of one of my drugs Entocort. By the beginning of April, I should be done with that drug. And then, hopefully I can start to ween off of Pentasa. My doctor says I shouldn't need these two drugs since I am taking Cimzia, and my body is now responding well to the injection, Cimzia.

My diet is altered depending on how I am feeling. Since I have been feeling well lately, I have been incorporating some more fiber back into my diet like whole wheat breads and apples with the skin. Also, I am not as concerned about oils/butter being in my meals. I still keep the quantity of oil and butter light on my meals,but I do not completely stay away from them like when I am sick.

Being able to eat more options is less stressful for me. I am able to go to a restaurant and always find something on their menu I can eat. When I am in a flair, I usually ask the management to special make the meal without oil, butter etc.

For more information about my diet and foods that I tolerate well, please visit my past blog post, http://crohnsnewlywed.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-diet-in-nutshell.html

I'm not sure why, but my migraines have become more frequent the last month. Thankfully, I have found a migraine drug that works for me Maxalt. I am especially glad to announce that Maxalt just came out with its generic at the beginning of this year called Rizatriptan. The pharmacist at Walgreens said there are migrain prevention drugs, however this would require taking a pill on a regular basis. I'm sure I am at the point where I need to do that or have the desire to incorporate another drug into my daily medications or budget.

The start of a new year feels good to me. Although 2012 was the year I married the love of my life, it was also a very stressful year with many ups and downs. So far, 2013 has given me good health, time to relax and spend with my husband and some new opportunities at work.

I love my husband. It hasn't even been a year of marriage yet, and I feel like we have learned so much about each other. I hope that we will continue to learn more about how to love each other better this year. True love is never giving up.

Please remember to donate "Take Steps Crohns and Colitis Fundraiser" at http://online.ccfa.org/site/PageServer?pagename=TS13_participant_search

I am participating in a fundraising walk on May 4 to help raise awareness and support, and I would really appreciate yours! :)

Crohn's Fundraising Walk May 4

I have decided to participate in the annual "Take Steps, Be Heard for Crohns and Colitis" fundraising walk on May 4 at Stars and Stripes park in Oklahoma City. I have no idea really what to expect. I hope to meet people and other families that I can relate to. I know very few people with Crohn's disease. I also hope to raise awareness and help educate others about this autoimmune disease that affects 1.4 million adults and children in the United States. It is a difficult condition for patients to talk about, because the symptoms can be so embarrassing. Most people hide that they have it, thus raising awareness of it can be a difficult task.

I also hope to help the foundation raise funds that will go directly towards local patient programs and research projects to help find a cure and improve the lives of patients. My doctor talks to me as if one day in my lifetime there will be a cure. I sure hope that is true! Sometimes I wish I had the hope and belief she has that there will be a cure in my lifetime.

About 6 months ago, I decided to become more vocal about my illness. I have become more open to talking about what I have and writing about the sometimes uncomfortable symptoms in my blog. I know talking about a digestive disease makes some people feel uncomfortable or sad, but that is not my intention. My intention is to educated others and help those around me understand what I go through.

My number one intention with this blog is to provide a platform for others with digestive diseases to relate. When I was first diagnosed, it was difficult to find articles or other people's stories on the internet to relate to. When you go through something hard, you long to relate and feel like you are not alone. By writing this blog, I want to help others throughout the world not feel alone in their struggles. My other reasons for starting this blog are to help my friends and family understand me and to keep people updated on my life as a newly wed.

If you would like to go to my team's fundraising page follow the link below. You can type in my name to search for our team "The Crohn Rangers." Please visit the page and the website to learn more about digestive diseases, and if you would like you can donate to our team as well. There is a link on our team page for donations. I would be so appreciative of your support! you can also sign up to join us on May 4th for the Walk. I would LOVE to see your face at this event!

http://online.ccfa.org/site/PageServer?pagename=TS13_participant_search

My Struggle with Anxiety

While meeting with my weekly support group for chronic illnesses, I have realized that all group members struggle with anxiety and stress to some degree. We all have a disease that is ultimately uncontrollable. We can manage our illnesses with medications, diet and surgeries, however they have no cure. My theory is that when people cannot control a major part of their lives, they resort to the control of everything else in their lives resulting in stress and anxiety when life cannot be controlled how they wish.

When I write this it seems a bit extreme. But I think it is completely true for many, many people - some more severe than others.

I believe that anxiety is stemmed from many other issues as well. But since I have an autoimmune disease, this is the type of anxiety I can relate to.

I have always been an organized and clean person. But the emotional stress I feel when things in my life are not organized or clean has increased as I have grown into my 20's and was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. I can see stress in all parts of my life, and it is an issue I am well aware of and working on.

My husband does not let my anxiety of certain life issues slide. These issues are addressed and talked about. I am so thankful that he is not fearful to confront me when I am "stressing" too much. Because of him, I have become more aware of an issue in my life that I desperately do not want to control but let go of and give to God.

I want to be a woman who is willing to try new things with no fear. I want to have a spirit that embraces failure as "okay" at times. I want to capture those stressful thoughts and and let the God of the Universe hold them for me. I want to be a mother who lets her children fail and most of all teach them to get back up. I hope to be the kind of mother who gives the safety and health of her husband and children over to Jesus each night.

I worry about money, when we are so blessed. I worry about losing my husband and dog, when I should spend my time being thankful for having them in my life. I worry about my health, when I know it could be so much worse. I stress about doing things the right way, when sometimes there is no "right way." There is only God's way.

Anxiety in nature in selfish, because all you are focused on is your needs, your plans, YOU. I do not want to be this type of person. I want to focus on the needs of others and be open to new and different plans.

Although some medications do help at times, I also believe there are natural ways to help deal with stress.

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, these coping strategies listed below should help:

Daily exercise
Eating a well-balanced meal with energy boosting snacks
Learning when to take a time out by having a massage, listening to music, doing yoga etc
Getting enough sleep
Limiting alcohol and caffeine - these can aggravate anxiety and trigger panic attacks. eek, didn't know that!
Accept that you cannot control everything - the hardest one!
Maintain a positive attitude and welcome humor
Getting involved in the community
Talk to someone, a friend, family member, support group or counselor

I certainly plan to slowly incorporate these into my life. But I must remember that if I fail, it is OKAY! No reason to stress when things do not go as planned! :) (easier said than done)

My Bathroom Pass

In my wallet, I carry around a "Bathroom Pass"- or at least that is what I call it. It is a laminated official card made by the Foundation of Clinical Research for Inflammatory Bowel Disease that helps patients to be able to use a restroom anywhere, at any time and fast, whether it is a public restroom or not. I have read some articles and heard some opinions that this is not needed. Some may think this is over the top or silly. It certainly is not.

People with inflammatory bowel disease really cannot hold it long or not at all. If I do not get to restroom fast when I need one I feel as if i'm very close to having an accident and it makes me dizzy and nauseous. Thankfully, I have not had an accident since my diagnoses, but I always make sure I am close to a bathroom, especially when I am flaring.

Last weekend, I almost had to pull out this bad boy. I kind of wanted to, it makes me feel more in control of my disease. I was shopping around in Anthropology (love that store!) in Tulsa, and all of a sudden I did not feel good. I had to go-now. I urgently searched a worker and asked where the bathroom was. She said it was only for employees. I asked her where the closest restroom was, and she she that it was way across the parking lot at a Starbucks on the other side of the shopping center. I told her I have Crohn's disease, and need to use their restroom immediately. Thankfully, the worker quickly grabbed her manager and they escorted me to the toilet. I know it is not always this easy in retail stores though.

I am thankful for sympathetic retail workers and my card to back me up to prove my condition. Sadly, Oklahoma is not a state that has passed the Restroom Access Act, also known as "Ally's Law."

"This advocacy movement is named for Ally Bain, who has Crohn’s disease, a type of inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). Several years ago, as a young teenager, Ally had an accident in a store after her request to use the employee restroom was refused, despite her explaining repeatedly that she had an urgent medical need. After that humiliating experience, Ally successfully worked with legislators in her then-home state of Illinois to enact a law to address similar situations in 2005. Since then, with continued public advocacy by Ally and others, similar laws have been enacted in twelve other states: Colorado, Connecticut, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Ohio, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Washington State and Wisconsin. As these are individual state laws, they each vary in certain details, but most say that a “retail establishment” must give a person with an “eligible medical condition” access to an employee restroom if there is no public restroom immediately available, there are at least three employees (in one case, two) working at the time, and the facility itself or its location will not pose a safety hazard to the person or security risk to the business (www.ibsimpact.wordpress.com)."


Below is a photo of my pass:

So, I sure hope any of you who work retail out there or own a business will always let someone with a medical condition use your restroom. Even if you feel more comfortable escorting them and waiting outside the door, we don't care! We just need a toilet. :)