This week, I was reading the bible and pondering on the verse that says, "Commit your way to the Lord" Ps. 37:5. To truly commit my way to the Lord is to give it to Him and leave it with Him. Usually, I lay it before Him and then walk away with it again accomplishing nothing.
How do I commit something like a health condition to the Lord that physically does not really go away. I wake up with it each morning and fall asleep with it. So, how do I truly give it to God and let go?
I have been so thankful lately that God is blessing me with a season these past few months of a "break" from my Crohn's disease symptoms. I spend a normal amount of time in the restroom like everyone else (once a day :)). I have more energy lately, and I am able to eat more in my diet. Also, I am almost done weaning off of Pentasa.
Although my typical crohn's symptoms are under control, this does not mean that my whole body is healthy like a normal person's either. I must not forget that I still have an autoimmune disease that can affect every aspect of my body.
Unfortunately while my stomach symptoms are getting better, my joint pain is getting worse and my GI doctor believes I developed a form of arthritis, which very common with Crohn's patients.
My joint pain started in the spring right after I weaned off of Endocort, a type of steroid. My doctor believes the steroid was keeping my arthritis from starting in my body. I cannot go back on the Edocort as a long term solution, because steroids are not good for the body long term.
So, my doctor is trying very hard to get me in to see a rheumatologist so I can get a correct diagnoses and form a treatment plan that is best for me.
In the mean time, tomorrow I will be getting my first steroid injection into my left thumb joint. This joint hurts the worst, and I have lost some range of motion. I'm nervous about the shot, because the idea of a shot going into a joint and not fat gives me the chills! eek.
I joke around a lot with my friends saying that with my health condition it seems to just be "one thing after another!" There are days I do not want to commit my health, my worries, my fears, my anger and my frustrations to the Lord. I want to control it and just deal with it. Or ignore it. Pretend it's not there.
But the God blesses persistence. God asks us to have faith in Him, because "He can do immeasurably more than ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us (Eph. 3:21)."
He can only bless us if we allow Him to work within us. We must allow Him to take control. We must give Him the reigns each morning and maybe multiple times through the day.
Lord,
I am so thankful that you are giving me healing and relief from my stomach problems I have struggled with for so long. I know that your hands are on me and giving me physical relief.
I want to leave before you right now my fears that are rising over my arthritis pain. How will this affect my future? Can I handle this and Crohn's disease too? I know I can't, that is why I need you. I'm so young. I want a future that allows me range of motion and flexibility and no pain to take care of my future babies. With my pain in my thumb, I want to be able to pick up my baby, fold laundry and do dishes.
These are my fears that are swirling around in my head. Take them. Please. Give me strength tomorrow and all the days to continue to commit myself to you - not just my medical concerns but all aspects of my life, my marriage, my future, my family and my job.
Amen
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