Unrealistic Expectations

Well, we made it through our first married Christmas together. It was the busiest holiday season I have ever had since I am married and have in-laws now. It was different, but good different. Marriage brings loads of change - some changes you expect and some you don't think of and some that are complete surprises.

We manged to fit our Christmas traditions and visiting family into 4 days. It really worked out pretty well, except Christmas day was very busy. We went to 3 family homes on Christmas day, and it just about wore me out. It was worth it for one day to see all the people we got to spend time with though. Today, the day after Christmas, Isaac and I recovered from the holiday extravaganza by literally laying on the couch watching the TV show "Heroes" for 7 hours! Days of rest are a necessity in this house. :)

During the Christmas holidays, we got into a little tiff and somehow got to talking about some of my unrealistic expectations that I have brought into marriage. I thought I was prepared; I thought I had faced all of what I thought were my unrealistic expectations before the "I do's." Why do these realizations always come about during tiffs? :) Probably because I realize how wrong I am.

When we got married, I assumed and expected that my husband should always take out the trash, which he does a lot of the time! Nevertheless, it was still an expectation. I think since I always saw my dad take the trash out growing up, I assumed taking the trash out was a man thing to do. But that is not true, I can totally walk to the side of the house and put trash in the dumpster, which I do sometimes haha. Most of the time I tie the trash bag up and set it on the porch hoping Isaac will see his gift I left for him to take care of ;)

A big unrealistic expectation that I had going into marriage was that our spiritual life should be nearly perfect for some reason and look like how I envisioned a youth pastors marriage. I envisioned praying and talking about God all day everyday. We do pray together and we do talk about our relationships with God. I am realizing that our spiritual life is something that will probably be up and down and constantly growing as we grown together-just life our personal relationships with God. It's not always perfect. We both try to strive to keep God at the center by trusting him and loving each other like he loves us.

I also realized that every marriage has a different spiritual life. Isaac said there is no perfect template for every couple. There is no template for what kind of church you should go to, how you should pray together or how you should serve God as a married couple.

Lastly, when I was first diagnosed with Crohns disease I expected that my husband should understand everything about my illness just because he is my husband. My husband is a person too. He is not perfect. He has a right to have questions, doubts and a hard time dealing with my Crohns just has much as I do.

Don't get me wrong - Isaac completely supports me and always has my back. He will go to doctor's appointments with me if I ask him to. But I have learned that if there is something specific I need when I don't feel good, I must communicate with him and be specific.  I must communicate things I learn about the disease. I cannot expect him to remember every little thing and every type of drug I take or have taken. It is easier for me to remember things, because it is happening to my body. Not his. I cannot expect anyone to understand exactly everything about Crohns, except maybe someone with Crohns. I must be patient with him and everyone else. I know he is trying his best. He has done very well with learning my diet. And my diet is no easy task. :)

I hope this post helps young newly weds or young couples who are on the verge of marriage to think about their expectations they have as well. Dig deep and don't be afraid to talk about them. Don't be afraid of tiffs! Get into them and be realistic with how you envision your married life together.

About 3 weeks ago, I stopped taking one of my drugs that I have been on for about a year and a half - Entocort. Entocort is a small dose of steroids. It does not have the same effect as Prednisone - which is the strong stuff. My doctor wanted me to try going off of it since I have been on Cimzia for nearly 4 months now.

I'm not sure if it is related, but ever since the weekend I went off of the drug I have been having bleeding, diarrhea, nausea, intestinal stomach and back pain about every other day. It hasn't last for long on those days, maybe a couple hours each time. It hasn't woken me up during the night, which is good. The symptoms are still very painful, make me feel like I have the stomach flu or something, and  disrupt plans during the days. We couldn't make it to the Christmas Eve service at church with my family, because I was stuck on the toilet  and curled up in a ball on the couch for about an hour and a half.

I have a GI doctors appointment tomorrow, so we will see what she says. I know I will get to remission at some point, I just don't know when.